Sparkles the Lazy Elf


We introduced Sparkles last year and I was on the fence about bringing her out again this year. Everly was a little creeped out by the idea of an elf that moves around our house and frankly, I couldn’t really blame her… but when she asked me when I thought Sparkles would arrive this year, I knew we would be spending another holiday season with the Elf on the Shelf.

We’ve tweaked Sparkles’ story a lot:  She goes to the North Pole to hang out, not to tell Santa whether they have been good or bad. Sparkles only stays in the living room and dining room. She never, ever under any circumstances will come in your room. I promise. You can touch her if you want, she likes to be snuggled sometimes. 

Some questions we don’t have answers for yet:

"Why doesn’t she breath? Elves breath don’t they?"

"Why don’t her eyes ever move?"

"Does she have real legs under those tights?"

Last week I found Everly staring at the Elf on our mantle and she looked at me and said, “Somethings not right about that elf, mama” and I thought, “uh oh, she’s scared of it.” But then she said ” Her hat sticks straight up in the air and all the elves I’ve seen have floppy hats.”  

We’re trying to embrace the Elf on the Shelf as just a fun, silly, new tradition and not take it too seriously. 

But here’s the thing. Brent and I suck at moving the elf around. She’s been in our house for over a week now, and she’s moved three times (once mid day, while Everly watched). Everly gets up every morning and excitedly runs into the living room to find Sparkles and it is then, and only then, that we remember we were supposed to move her to a new location. (Arlo on the other hand, could care less about Sparkles. Unless she’s also a super hero or a stunt bike driver, he’s not impressed.) 

We tell Everly that she must like our house so much she doesn’t really feel like going to visit Santa and her elfin friends at the North Pole. Last week I told Everly, after Sparkles stayed wedged in our fireplace screen for three days, that I was certain she must be stuck and that we should move her ourselves. 

I put Sparkles on top of the mantle clock while Everly watched, “There” I said, “If Sparkles wants to go back to the North Pole, she won’t be stuck anymore.”

And then Sparkles sat on the clock for the next two days while I muttered, “crap!” under my breath each morning when I heard Everly announcing, yet again, that Sparkles hadn’t moved.

Sparkles is a lazy elf. 

I see Elves all over my instagram and facebook feed that are doing fantastical and hilarious things in the homes of the children they visit. They are so mischievous and clever!

Sparkles is none of that. She sits in the tree. She sits on the clock. And there was that one time she wedged herself down in the fireplace screen. That was kind of mischievous, no?

We love the holidays. We had our house decked out two days after Thanksgiving. Our holiday cards are stuffed and almost in the mail. We are doing an “Acts of Kindness” advent calendar every day until Christmas and are all excited for our annual family Polar Express viewing this Saturday,  but the elf….. yeah, I don’t know about that one. 

Maybe we are just not Elf on the Shelf people. (Will admitting that publicly get me banned from Pinterest?)  Arlo is indifferent, Everly is tired of her lack of movement and Brent and I have come to accept that we are just not very good elf movers. 

Anyone else out there happen to own a card carrying member of the Order of Lazy Elves? Bah. Maybe next year we can trade her in for one of those singing, dancing Rudolph toys I had as a kid.